2017

In 2016 I made my most far fetched dreams a reality. I traveled for 21 days through 5 countries and 7 cities on a trip that I planned, paid for, and embarked on completely solo. I enrolled at community college and soared way above what I thought I was capable of, and was surprised at the liberation that a higher education gave me. I had moments of intense self love and gratitude for the world around me. But I also had some pretty severe pitfalls last year. I allowed my overall sense of self worth to be at the mercy of someone who didn’t care about me. I lost my mental strength as a result of my emotions being stretched too thin by someone who viewed me as the kind of game that is played indefinitely with no real object or reward. I drained myself to meet the expectations of others and ended up in an isolation of my own making. Overall, 2016 was a year of immense growth, but also of heartbreak and unnecessary negativity.

As some of you may know, I used to post to a blog entitled perhapsless, but I gradually stopped posting to it. Looking back, I think it was a great way for me to test the waters with publishing my personal thoughts, but I lost motivation to post because I had unintentionally created a cynical, gloomy atmosphere, and it became a chore to write for it. I created perhapsfull in hopes to continue sharing my ideas and various ramblings in a more positive way. I think a great way to kick that off is to share my personal New Years Resolutions.

  1. Refuse to care what others think of the way I choose to express myself. Whether it’s about my clothes, my appearance, my writing, or any other declaration of self expression. I want to aim to fully accept myself as I am.
  2. Exercise passion at least three times a week. I am thriving when I am filled with passion and drive. I want to take the things that I am passionate about and incorporate them into my life until they become the reason I get out of bed in the morning.
  3. Recognize my self worth. I want to keep myself as my number one priority. I have wasted so much time getting down on myself because others didn’t think I was worthy of their time or respect and I’m done with that. I want my actions to be driven by the desire to better myself and grow.
  4. Ditch Toxicity. Whether its a bad habit or an unhealthy relationship. Gone. Bye – bye. Deleted.
  5. Stop watering down my creative potential. Sometimes I’m scared of being honest with myself in my writing, even in my own personal journal. I want to stop writing what I think I should write and write what I want to write. Makes more sense.
  6. Be present. I often feel like I zone out and watch time slip through my fingers like sand in an hourglass. I want to tune in to the world around me and allow myself to feel and experience fully.
  7. Cut dairy in half. Then half that. It messes with my stomach, makes me bloated, and screws with my poop schedule. And it has pus. Ew.
  8. Learn how to accept love. I think the reason that I have been in so many toxic power struggle type relationships is because I am afraid of really being loved. It’s scary for me be  vulnerable and to let someone care for who I really am. I got into a bad habit of  trying to only display my best traits when I like someone, and I ended up washing over anything complicated or unsightly about me.
  9. Be more courageous. I’m excited to challenge myself to continue erasing my comfort zone. I want to try things that I very well know I could fail miserably at, just because there’s a slight chance I might learn something from it.
  10. Take action. One of my worst traits is that I like to come up with ideas, talk about them, and never put plans in motion. I need to stop saying I’m going to do things and just do them.
  11. Get out of bed. I spend so much of my free time in a lethargic, sloth like state, when I could, you know, be out in the world, living and doing cool stuff.  
  12. Speak up more. I’m not a passive person by any means, but I could definitely speak up more frequently when someone says or does messed up shit, or when something upsets me or inspires me. I have a pretty powerful voice when I choose to use it.
  13. Cherish my family. I take them for granted and they deserve more.
  14. Learn more. I want to dig deeper into topics I’m curious about and learn until I’m a walking encyclopedia. Specifically, I would like to be able to speak more confidently on social and political issues with the security that my information is factual.
  15. Push harder. In the gym, at school, at work, in life in general. I want to work for my happiness and success, because I’ve learned that sitting and waiting for opportunities to fall in my lap is not an effective way to achieve greatness.
  16. Stop letting social media control my life. Likes and retweets and Instagram models are easy to fixate on, and monitoring all of those things make me feel like shit about myself. I spend so many hours filling my mind with meaningless mush. Gross.
  17. Stop looking back. With every year that passes, it seems like time keeps moving faster. Holding on to what if’s and why not’s is unfair to my personal growth and detrimental to the sanity of the people around me. Tomorrow holds promise, and yesterday is unchangeable.

 

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